April 28, 2002

I can't get enough of this! The mirage in the mirror, a simulacrum twice reflected back at you...am I alone in thinking this a hilarious exercise? In Life! today: Gopal Baratham: "You must write for an audience. Writing for yourself is masturbation." Poppycock. Nabokov: "There can be no question that what makes a work of fiction safe from larvae and rust is not its social importance but its art, only its art."

Now for more wanking...these are the first two paragraphs of a work of agitprop which I've been coerced into writing for my platoon yearbook (well, actually there is some sort of under-the-table recompense: more off-passes. Shhh...), Spanished and reEnglished.

The history of the human effort is left in disorder with cases of initiating dangerous. The first man, delirious with the hunger and fact in front with options that have supper limited, that was quite imprudent to swallow one ostra crude. Heretics. of the reform. Huss, Luther, Calvin. who, in an intense age of spirituality of doctrinaire, had the conviction to oppose a social structure monolithic and hardened as the catholic church, and the value of holding the persecution that happened. The states based on the satellites of the ex-ones, derrelicto and alienated seriously after the demonstrated lack of seven decades of social engineering, the economic aid puppetry and artificial policy, doing the onerous attempt to reintegrate they themselves in a system of the capitalist. In any revolutionary company, the success must fortitude, persistence, tenacity, fearlessness, vision. Perhaps all the essential qualities, no doubt, but we report out of proportion of the credit to those huge abstractions, and discounted the importance of the worldly servitude, without which those high qualities are in useless. The reconstruction of history is often a dishonest business. Evident those in favor will lustrarán inevitable on the trivialities, embellish the daily routine prosaic and the boredom, will omit the attractiveness little and the disagreeable one, in a supply to dramatize and will be glorified. It is rarely a conscious manufacture nevertheless, and quite often the result of a natural romantic propensity. The stories of the fabulous heroísmo and the fabulous danger sing in the memory; the faithful but sober accounts of the boring work no.

April 27, 2002

E. just gave me the address of this fabulous online translation device. You will, of course, excuse the protracted joke which follows. It's something I wrote (in English, just in case this is unclear), had translated by aforementioned translator into French, and then re-translated back into English. Enjoy.

26th DEC 2000
Pierre saint - scintillatingly the white, ensconced without risk at the end of A cloistered the cul-de-sac in the generally abandoned central mall. Maintaining the last thing that we have need is another lesson in the undervaluation or the minimalism of ' Zen '. Saint Pierre manages (but only narrowly) to escape criticism on this account. Getups superfluity, a functional sensitivity modernist with lighting very full with spirit (which I will not damage while tracing here), and the floor of parquet floor of tan did not polish with a raised gloss, réminiscent these Scandinavian über-concessions of supply. It is not any attempt calculated to submit the report/ratio simply; it is a total negligence for any embellissement unspecified. It is anti-decoration, or perhaps to the top moreover more exactly, a-decoration, faithful to the original creed modernist - but always finishes looking at very smart and neat indeed.

To 7,15 we were the first customers. Executive head Emmanuel Stroobant, a Belgian convivial pushing the tufts ice-blondes on her head, accomodated us personally and given us to it finely to read attentively. "it smiles too much," Y. laughed with Darcy-like the disdain, as if it were the first sign déclinable of the evening. Personally, I think us could do everything with an attention little more personal and less prepared officiousness - if all does not have any reason, I will say to you.

The chart was very attractive, with a tasting of seven-course for $85, and of the seven varieties more still of the fats of liver on sale, more risibly the weak one of what was a salad of Caesar with let us croûtons of liver. The remainder of the menu was a traditional French conflation ordered and New-Japonisme art (the aileron of century to reproduce, and to recall is not to it however the new century) - very Toulouse-Lautrec, if you will excuse the impression. I always wondered whether the French and the Japanese do one appareillement by the way - old August and will bravura, last voce austere and of sotto. The Eastern inflections did not look at too importunate here (I spoke too early, naturally; they serve the eel green-tea-green-tea-smoked now) - a gloss of miso, the crab salad of snow - which made the place resemble a positive sanatorium after my trauma preceding of fusion.

It did not begin well. The bread, a turgid and ventilated phallus, a reproduction high pressure die casting by diminutive of a rod, was completely feeling reluctant. Our mouths only had fun enough by a breaded snail nested in the depression of a Chinese soup spoon filled with seasoned grass emulsion, and an indefinable settee comprising certain pie and aspic in the alternate layers.

The J, in the test at the Stroobant place, only could control the "membre Scandinavian band of rock ". I usefully suggested Michael learns how to rock. And then there were the usual jokes about the famous Belgians. Between we let us can only control three - and two of them were fictitious (Rene Magritte, Hercules Poirot and Tintin).

To start, I had desiccated fats of liver with the French toast caramelized and the cutters (sic) fork-crushed acid. I can not to recall how I have chosen that surplus other variations, but I know that I was not helped by "the assistance" (how they specifically asked to be addressed in the menu), a fey, rather young woman with the carefree hairdo which gave me a lesson not requested on balance contrapuntal in dishes of fat of liver - softness to the rough taste with round in addition to richness unctuous. At all events, it very nice and well-was conceived, unless I found my cutters to be completely intact; no obviousness of them having been not pummelled by any instrument unspecified.

The Y. had the pot of fat of liver with crawfish ravioli (at the origin the gyoza of frog thigh, but was to him in addition to menu), fighting to remain with flood on a flood of Japanese wild mushroom cream. It could as well have been mushroom ragoût furnished with pie and a pellet. Its only response to our blandishments was "excellent" clearly. The J confronted large, punt Japanese slate of yellow tuna of Tartar aileron and fresh sashimi of festoon with lawyer and the salad of wakame, the single concession of Stroobant with unalloyed the Japanese composition. It was in a French indisputable way in the presentation, however, with all the necessary size and drama - a feeler rather threatening of crawfish placed in a tuna hillock making a wild and strident arc which was more invahissant that is usually considered polished; the generous and "random" stews of the lawyer splodge and the alga slightly verdant, like the painting of impasto of Van Gogh' S, applied directly to the fabric.

"it looks at a little occupied," I averred.

"do not destroy it with your words," the evil squeaked J. In fact, it was completely of festival (it pink dark of rare tuna, in.liaison.with the duelles nuances of the green) and could have made perfect cynosure and riotous for the dinner of Christmas.

We had a very good sight of the kitchen. Stroobant acted like a surgeon who carried out each other operation on the liver of a duck, each one preceded by an advertisement of the identity by the patient (I want to say the subject). It was all the very sharp one, and completely frankly, private clinic - in particular in the literal direction. I would like to see it that the resuscitate has well wafer of cooked fats of liver.

After a intermezzo of mango sorbet and a little waiting, our principal dishes arrived, supported by a androgynoid of statuesque (which, us later discovered, times as bitch of door to a certain club). I slow- had roasted salmon trout ("a trout, not a salmon "- Stroobant) with mushroom of portobello, the crusty prosciutto and mirin-infused octopus. Resting in a bisque robust-seasoned and surrounded by A ratatouille-like the mixture of the food roots of root, it was completely superb, except that I could not find any octopus. Ah, idiot I. "you remember to eat something of crusty on trout?" Yes, bacon - oops, prosciutto - was little "not, there those finely-julienned of the bands, like fried shallots? It is your octopus." The menu was simply classist, or less very compromised. The humble veggies which constituted at least a third of the dish did not even justify a mention, but the invisible unfair suspicion of octopus "infused" (probably suggestive of a magic alchemical process) with exotic Japanese rice wine is scandalously announced. Cheap discrimination.

The J savoured "a medium-rare ox net wrapped out of bacon, of rubbed with rock salt, a galze of teriyaki, scented the oil of cilantro" and from the Dauphine of gratin, which seemed like a freebie with us - a little prolix for a beefsteak. The Y. ordered, rather blind, the net of Saint-Pierre with crushed almonds, the braised asparagus and the enoki spread in a soup of dashi. the "mackerel in the taste, John Dory in texture," it endangered (and completely exactly, too). Ask the assistance, I suggested, although I informed it that it could simply state the obviously obvious fact in oneself, "is a fish". I was right. Or at least, such were its first exact words. Only one tight time it indicated that Saint Pierre is John Dory, and also a place in France.

For the dessert, I took pudding sticking of date with sauce to caramel with butter - a remainder of old finely of fig sheet - which was a candy with little but always completely pleasant. The Y. took a receipt of family (suggestive of the exalted, hermetic secret configuration of the ingredients) - Belgian cake chocolate flourless of Grandma Stroobant with the raspberry purées which looked at little too innofensif. Little too likes a "brownie", in fact. There did not make any attempt defend the clothes industry, and remained stolid as always.

Burned frozen of cream of sweet chestnut of the J with vanilla bourbons (sic still) was a terrible nuance of gray-ochre. It tasted like what to be it claimed, but to be a little flask and moussey, and solved with the not identified particles. It had courage to call it disabled person, a pun of which I really laughed. But where those the "bourbons" odd-are called? Bourbon-infused candies? Probably the pieces, which, like my octopus, have pleasure to allure the dinner of beginner while playing where is Wally among the disorder of your dish.

The interesting cast iron of the "aide "is a definite attraction. Or distraction, if you are in this tilted way.

April 26, 2002

Welcome. You are one of a group of about ten people chosen through a rigorous selection process to become privy to the material posted herewith. I apologise for the hermetic references and inside-jokes; however, I flatter myself that there will still be plenty to amuse and provoke you in spite of this. And yes, this is what I have been doing while marooned in camp.


'You provide desolation,' wrote George Sand, 'and I provide consolation.' To which Flaubert replied, 'I cannot change my eyes.' The work of art is a pyramid which stands in the desert, uselessly: jackals piss at the base of it, and bourgeois clamber to the top of it; continue this comparison. Do you want art to be a healer? Send for the Ambulance George Sand. Do you want art to tell the truth? Send for the Ambulance Flaubert: though don't be surprised, when it arrives, if it runs over your leg. Listen to Auden: 'Poetry makes nothing happen.' Do not imagine that Art is something which is designed to give gentle uplift and self-confidence. Art is not a brassière. At least, not in the English sense. But do not forget that brassière is the French for life-jacket.
Julian Barnes, Flaubert's Parrot


L’Angélus

Triumvirate of triumvirates,
Steamed in sluggish sarcophagi.
Escargots embalmed in Provençal fluids,
Graves sealed with breadstones,
Porous crouton coffins.
Like sacrilegious gravediggers we
Ferreted and desecrated,
With crab-forks and tea-spoons,
Defiling the fragrant repose of slumbering snails.

(the spelunkers escape by sea)

Agglutinated protein, congealed
Goaty patties, corpses of milk
Affixed to an armada
Of triangular catamarans,
Circumnavigating a deluged arboretum.

Three wise men, frankly incensed, watch
Incredulously: seconded butter
Bearing Presidential insignia
(pluming itself on a borrowed escutcheon)
Commingles with virgin bread
In the manger.

A bolster of contumacious calf
Enshrooming frisky fromage:
A colonial travesty,
A roulade façade.

(meanwhile, Sir Francis Drake
steers an attendant gondola
of the Dauphin’s gratin)

Another drake’s noble self-immolation
Dans gras de lui-même,
To effect a gastrotransfiguration
Of the crème de la crème.

The crackle of transubstantiated fat
Raucously deliquescing in my
Copious saliva.

A shimmering suspension of
Summery splendour, studded
And bejeweled with acid pulp.

Paladino. 23rd Feb. 2002, 7.20 p.m.


Waitership: Helpful but unintelligent.
Upholstery: Resplendent in monogrammed satin dress.
Tablecloths: Yes. Hazelnut.
Lighting: Austere, beguiling.
Glasses: Shapely and convivial.
Cutlery: Forks repose with prongs against the table. An emphatically European gesture?
Menu writing: Rife with subtle metonymy and royalist pretension; to wit: pieces of meat were “crowned”, desserts sat atop a “moat” of chocolate.

Amuse-bouche: Salmon and tuna mousse. Mulchy and dishearteningly buttery, but otherwise insipid. Recycled-paper-pulp would be a useful comparison.
Appetizer: Soft fritter of artichoke and mozzarella, tomato salsa, rocket salad. The salad was not rocket. The rest was what it said it was – and perhaps a bit less.
Palate-cleanser: Lemon sorbet. Of exceptional resilience and appropriate frigidity. Presumably the egg whites were fervently flagellated.
Main course: Marjoram flavoured pappardelle in duck ragu. Noodles were of especially slender girth, but otherwise sound. Disagreeably sticky and combatively salty.
Dessert: Distinctive Autumn pear cake with the unusual addition of chocolate and roasted almonds. Was neither distinctive nor a cake. Unusual only in its petite proportions. Tart (for this was what it was) pastry was crumbly and did not cleave cleanly.

A vast, vainglorious spectacle emblazoned with shimmering promise; lots to see but precious little to taste.
7th April 2001

The dieponyms and proprietors of Da Paolo e Judie have erected a fulgent beacon of architectonic éclat, but inhabit the edifice as poltergeists would a decrepit tenement. Paolo Scarpa, master architect and éminence grise, wove fugitive and apparition-like, in and out of phantom passageways, now and then emerging, like a gopher, from out of (not behind) a wall, an illusionist’s cantrip aided perhaps by the tricky chiaroscuro interior; glassy, limpid panels astride flat black, chestnut and champagne surfaces.

(The washroom, a solipsistic surreal nightmare of infinite recursion. I found myself walled in self-reflexively by four mirrors, where walls were, having a urinal’s-eye-view of myself in the act.)

From the tenebrous pre- or post-prandial vestibule, the darkness rather sinisterly relieved by the single deathly pale orchid in ghostly vase, and a lucent vessel of brown sugar resting on each table (accoutrements for unspeakable occult rituals, atop a sacrificial altar?), we ambulated towards the bar counter, standing amidst a scintillating vacancy, all marbly and nacreous. In the dining room proper, half the surfaces gleam lewdly, their scandalous exposure abetted by too many upturned spotlights welded into the floor; the other half recede in bas-relief, owing to their flat muted hues.

Judie Scarpa (a renascent and vitalized Miss Havisham rising, freshly disinterred, nightly, to attend to guests who are very late for her ruined wedding), a handsome woman of burnished hue festooned with white drapery, hostess and impresario par excellence, a regular Clarissa Dalloway, made her rounds, flitting hither and thither, inquiring after everyone’s dining welfare with such amiable solicitude (unlike most obtrusive waitstaff who loudly demand your approbation every chance they get) that it was quite impossible not to be charmed. However, she had definite ideas about what her guests should eat (or should not eat, as evinced by her arch reaction to Y. having chosen to start with the gratinated mushrooms: “And how did you like that?” He countered with triumphant stoicism: “Very subtle”), going on a bit too long about the elusive appeal (which, presumably, would forever escape us Philistines) of J’s Tagliatelle In Salsa Reale, and giving us to understand that we had ordered badly, through her effusive exaltations of what we didn’t try.

That may possibly have been applicable to W., whose starter of prawns came atop a spectacularly huge hillock of polenta which no-one could reasonably be expected to put away (oh, but W. did, inexplicably). I, however, was not in the least convinced that my choices were in any way second-rate. To start, carpaccio di cappesante e funghi con rucola – a felicitous surf ‘n’ turf, mer et terre pairing of slivery seafaring scallops and their woodsy landlubbing confrères, with a sneaky strawberryish attack (a dash of fraises de bois?) Next, spaghetti alla Polesina, a delicious dalliance in my mouth: prawns, roasted red peppers, a “touch” of cream, white wine and garlic in a perfect meld. Utterly gorgeous. Finally, in spite (or perhaps because) of the none too inspiring recitation of the dessert specials by our lackadaisical waiter (“Today we have a black fig brioche. It’s like a pudding.” Note: J. is rather inimical towards puddings. Or should that be the other way round?), both Y. and I contrarily ordered profiterols al cioccolato. I thought them excellent, with a superior ganache centre, and blissfully free of that raw eggy flouriness which repels me from regular éclairs, but Y. was (unprecedentedly) falling over himself with giggling delight. My cappucino, sipped in the aforementioned sepulchre, was uncommonly good.

What was uncommonly bad was the cramped seating. The conversation at our table was taxing enough without my having to be distracted by the very engaging (and at that distance, loud) discussion going on to my right (I was pleased to find, however, that someone else thinks Marmalade is overrated). And the music veered wildly from string quartet (8pm) to silly technobabble (10pm). Fix that, Mrs Scarpa, and I’ll be sure to return. To try your amazing antipasto.
Buko Nero/Spizza for Friends, 03.04.02

1. Duck liver crostini with coriander: good
2. Pineapple-grapefruit “welcome drink” (?): alright
3. Warm tofu and tomato salad, alfafa, coriander, tau yew: good but irrelevant
4. Seafood bisque thickened with egg white: bland, also incongruous
5. Pineapple jelly and lemon granita ...which it wasn’t
6. Risotto with gorgonzola and Thai basil: excellent
7. Fresh fruit sushi: honey mango, rock melon, strawberry; orange syrup: scandalously awful, “too challenging”, “Merilynesque”

I N T E R M I S S I O N

8. Hot apple tart (pie) with vanilla gelato: alright
9. Sweet pizza: melted chocolate, almond flakes, oranges: improved by the addition of olive oil. Not appreciated by anyone else, however.
10. Remaindered pizza dough, herb-infused olive oil: dinner, like life, and other sundry biological processes, is, or at least should be, cyclical. Begin the repast with the communal breaking of bread, the simple fruit of the earth, then sample the giddy lavishness of fancy creations, and to conclude the evening: can one, without severe self-recrimination, really force down yet another circulation-clogging Valrhona chocolate confection? Bread as valediction and sober reproof: scorn the sumptuousness of more richly laden tables; relish with thanksgiving everything austere, earthy, humble, life-enhancing, rather than the vain flourishes of florid imaginations. Food is sustenance merely, hedonism is heresy.
"The pleasures of the table are for every man, of every land, and no matter of what place in history or society; they can be a part of all his other pleasures, and they last the longest, to console him when he has outlived the rest." – Brillat-Savarin, The Physiology of Taste

Few people I meet understand what the ‘pleasures of the table’ are, and my passion for them. Many think my fastidious concern with food is tantamount to gluttony, hedonism, and decadence. To these charges I will reply that I am not referring to (or obsessed with) the act of eating, which is simply the satisfaction of a carnal urge – no matter how acute the hunger, it is no more palliated by pâté de foie gras than a peanut butter sandwich. But appetite is not so easily mollified. Only through a rare conjunction of propitious circumstances – exquisite food, amenable surroundings, charming and congenial conversation, the thoughtful assembly of guests – is this mundane obligation to feed thus transfigured into an occasion for conviviality, for savoring food unharassed, for the indulgence of the senses. These other elements constitute an indispensable counterpoint, without which even the most meticulously composed meal would fail to satisfy. On the other hand, I recall with fondness occasions where amiable and sympathetic company more than amply compensated for dire food or clamorous surroundings. The pleasures of the table, then, are not strictly confined to the table, although it is usually around this centerpiece of social communion that they are most strikingly manifested. Such pleasures are simply that portion of the refinement and decorum of civilized living which is most closely allied with good food.

More than sybaritism or graciousness, however, an abiding concern with, and interest in, one’s food cultivates a sense of thanksgiving and contentment, and an appreciation for the natural, unadorned raw materials which comprise so much of our diet. There is much to admire in the subtle sorcery responsible for shaping those delicate filigreed desserts you had at that French restaurant last night, but also something far more awesomely organic in the heady bouquet of a fresh peach, or the primal, gratifying goodness of a baked potato.

And far more than any other avocation, the pleasures of the table outlast faddish thrills. There is the gentle tremulousness of eagerly anticipating the roast that will be the cynosure at dinner tonight, the lambent reminiscence of past culinary glories, the tantalizing, evocative prose of M. F. K. Fisher and Elizabeth David, which sustains the mental appetite when the physical one is languishing. When you finally lose the command and acuity of your other senses in the infirmity of senescence, the consolation of tasting – or of recalling having tasted – your cherished foods is often the last to forsake you.
Nicholson Baker, The Fermata
No other writer has evinced so contradictory a response in me. Within the space of a single page I lurch from love to loathing, vacillating between an enraptured appreciation of joyous (and occasionally Joycean) wordplay (to wit: ‘literoti’, ‘prelewds’, ‘floptical jillusions’), and a heaving convulsion of disgusted contempt – at ludicrous accounts of covert cumshots, pubic topiaries resembling bicycle seats, extra-terrestrial bondage fantasies actualised in enormous electromagnetic contraptions. The morally repugnant and the downright ineffable are paraded about like Mardi Gras floats. No issue is too picayune to escape his unflinching scrutiny or his neurotic fixations. His writing is, I think, knowingly festooned with outrageous coinages. On the surface, such expression is indefensible, as far as delicacy, restraint or ‘artistic license’ is concerned. He is always brazen and unnerving, and also frequently absurd. With such characteristic phrases as ‘scream-cream’ and ‘burning bechamel’, he celebrates the lurid lexicon of pornography, tapping its bawdily comic, but also candidly sensuous, potential with such playful glee that even our soundest objections are coaxed into a helpless admiration of the beguiling qualities of his language.

It is, of course, extremely erudite pornography, with a keen sense of parody, and what Woolf called the ‘sublimely obscene’. At one point he chides Borges for a disappointingly unimaginative treatment of the proposition of temporal stasis in his story, The Secret Miracle. NB turns the whole premise of magic-fabulism and metaphysical speculation on its head, spurning the heavy-handedness to which the genre is prone, and fully mining it for the wild, questing, almost picaresque adventurism it implicitly entails.

(Niggling thought: why Lolita, so tenderly insinuating and tantalisingly tacit, was received the way it was, while this flagrant exhibition of sexual bravado and perversion met with unqualified praise, is quite baffling to me.)


PERFIDY!
A play.

Dramatis Personæ.
1. A latter-day Salieri, who has had the audacity to misappropriate for his own perfidious ends a certain aria from Die Zauberflöte; arranging it for contemporary instruments – an endeavour which has won critical acclaim, I might add, mostly from celebrated Mozartian scholar Larry Weed.

2. A Curator, of the relatively obscure Arnolfini Museum of Early Flemish and Dutch Art in Leyden. He is currently working on a monograph entitled The Mythology of Delftish Cabinetmakers.

3. A Playwright, of singularly inept melodramas, invariably taking for their leitmotif that most omnipresent of social sacraments – Dinner.

Mise en scène.
A squintingly-dim but pleasingly soigné dining room in which most of the lights either do not work, or, as the insensate conjecture goes, are only turned on at closing time to aid the staff in cleaning up. Seating comfortable, flooring pleasing. That scourge of variety and stylistic exuberance – that ‘M’ word – has been allowed to run loose here, punctuated by a few pleasing Art Deco accessories.

ACT THE FIRST.
Enter Salieri II, The Curator and The Playwright. They are shown to one of two tables they have previously reserved.

THE PLAYWRIGHT: Behold the tables – they tremble, and want ballast. Methinks they threaten to swoon too soon. (Standing up, apostrophizing said table) And why dost thy cushioned surface give beneath mine hands? See this desolation atop? Only these napkins – and Zounds! They are unstarched, flimsy, epicene!

The convives are brought the menus, which they peruse with great gusto, as if to prefigure the relishing of the meal to be had hereafter. Enter a Bread Basket.

SALIERI II: Note the egregious solecism – no bread plates. But these bread-sticks are good. I must take note of that – and more of them.

THE CURATOR: I’ve decided. I’ve wanted it for ages – (indicating cured beef)

THE PLAYWRIGHT: Methinks thou dost resolve altogether too incontinently.

THE CURATOR: But we must get on with it. At this rate we shall all starve [here Salieri II affects a violent abdominal spasm] before you even start to describe the appetizers.

THE PLAYWRIGHT: [who is not especially known for brevity] Methinks there is much verity in his words. Henceforth the action shall be condensed and expedited.

ACT THE SECOND.
Waiter returns, orders taken. Time passes, convives chitchat to beguile the tedium of waiting. After a preliminary amusement of the mouth comprising chicken liver mousse and balsamic vinegar, Course The First arrives. Asparagus Bianco for Salieri II, a dish of pizza-toppings for The Curator, and for The Playwright a sublime Carpaccio of beef, a dish of clammy, velvet drapery with ripe, deliquescent girolles of Tête de Moine. Vittore would have been proud.

ACT THE THIRD.
Much masticating, more palaver, further anticipation. Course The Second – fluted fettucine “Senso” with recalcitrant spiny lobster, reminiscent of that mystical dish of legend, Paolo e Judie’s Spaghetti alla Polesina, for The Curator; and a duet of green foods – spinach chittara with fishy unmentionables (deep Sunnydrop) for Salieri II, and risotto gamberi with watercress and spinach (light pandan-chiffoncake) for The Playwright.

Suddenly, a startling instance of ironic intertextuality, artistic contamination, contagious influence – in traipse the cast of Buñuel’s Le Charme Discret de la Bourgeoisie! But The Curator insists, is she not rather Vanessa Redgrave masquerading as Mme. Seneschal? Amicable altercations follow.

ACT THE FOURTH.
Course The Third – Dolci. A hot lemon ricotta cheesecake the size and shape of a distended mooncake, evidently of Japanese inspiration, for Salieri II; a semifreddo almond parfait, tremulous and ethereal, for The Playwright; and a selection of formaggio, presided over by a crudely-carved radish-mouse with a trail of balsamic footprints, for The Curator (who insists it is “a touch of humour”). In detail (but concisely),

GORGONZOLA: “affable” (Salieri), “paint thinner” (Curator)
PARMIGIANO: “excellent” (all)
PECORINO: “excellent” (all)
FONTINA: “turkey” (Playwright), “ham” (Salieri), “bacon” (Curator)
TALEGGIO: “tasteless” (all)
SCAMORZA: “daikon” (Playwright). The Curator: “I see what you mean now”
and a most peculiar variety,
POMMO: Aigre-doux, crunchy, fruity bouquet, “cattivo” (Curator). Strange green rind is quite palatable.